hiiii everyone, I am a girl, I will be 20 years old in 2 months and im russian btw lol. all my friends irl think that im crazy, i have a lot of strange fetishes, im a complete masochist, but recently i caught myself thinking that i would like to be captured by some well, uh, maniac?? i would like him to torture and humiliate me every day, maim me, rape me, and in the end he would slowly kill me and maybe eat me.. because of these thoughts, I drink alcohol every day. i've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, but im afraid to tell my psychiatrist about these thoughts. i don't fucking know what to do anymore. your opinions?